Trapped: Autumn Official Release

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This is my book. Trapped: Autumn, a story that I chose to put inside the Magical Realism genre. Since it's a mix of everything that is deeply grounded in reality, with references to real people, real events, real celebrities and so on and so forth. The tagline of the book, the descriptions used to market this book describe the book perfectly without giving too much away, something that is practiced too often today when it comes to books and movies. What I wanted to do is attract readers with this simple premise and idea, what would your opinion of yourself be from the same perspective you have on other people? That without giving up any of the surprises hidden inside the book.

Now, how does it feel to be published and achieve a dream? Terrifying, it's haunting, all the joy dissipates into nothing, knowing that now you took the first step. From now on you have to do your best to keep at it and to try to live your dream, to perfect your dream. People will judge you for your every word, they will have expectations from you and your works and you have to live up to them.

If you followed the previous posts about this book, this journey of being published, then I don't really have to add a lot. So I want to give you a taste of something you can find inside the books. A short story you can find in the book, a story that I wrote and are part of the plot of this book. This story also showcases why this book is a mixture of genres. So please enjoy:

 

The boy who cried

We’ve all heard the story of the boy who cried wolf once too many times, we all know the lesson that was brought with it, but not many know the story of the boy who cried. What did the boy cry? The boy cried that he was a man, the boy cried that it was unfair, the boy cried that nothing matters. The boy that cried had a house, knew his parents and had shoes, the boy that cried had his own money he could plow through. Yet he kept complaining, the people told him that that’s how the world works, the people cared when he cried a second time. Like the boy who cried wolf by the time he was a man and cried a third time, no one showed him any concern or gave him any attention. The boy kept weeping and they started mocking him, the boy cried and no one listened. Who would have thought that this could happen? That no one would care about someone that cried, that something won’t happen if he cried the loudest. Yet one night, like in a Christmas Story, there was a ghost that came to see the childish man that couldn’t stop crying. The first ghost took him to show his past, his alternative past that is. He was shown a world where he was motherless, he was penniless, he was powerless and by the age of 18 in prison. He showed him the horrific acts he had done to others, how he made his suffering into hate and his hate into suffering for others. The ghost told him that by the age of 21 he would have been killed in prison because he had killed another inmate for some cigarettes. A second later after that he was transported back to his bed, another second later a second ghost came and took him. He was shaken but in fear of what the ghost had to show him this time, since the ghost that came before showed him enough horror. The ghost took him to a place of dark, with no light and nothing bright. He took this man to a place of fear, a place without him to be near. It showed him that the world was going on when he wasn’t around, it showed him what would happen if he’d be gone. That no one cared and no one cried, nor for him, nor for this world. The man was shocked by the indifference of the world, the boy started crying out of spite and despair. This was the ghost of present and future, as he showed a world with him if he were dead now and how it will be once he’ll be. So the story keeps unfolding, zapped back into his room. The second ghost had disappeared, the three ghost were thinking and talking, if the boy had had enough. If he really understood, what upon him was bestowed. Taking a closer look at him, they saw that it wasn’t clear, they saw him cry some more and more. They thought the even though he had the body of a man, he was still a boy inside, a boy that needed to grow up. So the third ghost had an idea, he went ahead and disappeared. In the boys room he reappeared, took him to a theater to show him a movie. The boy was happy that this time he shouldn’t fear, since he wouldn’t be dead, he wouldn’t be starved, he would still have both his arms. The film started and it showed, a simple comparison between one man and him. They both had similar lives, both had parents, both had a home. But now this is the part where the man that was compared to him was shown beaten, deprived of food, deprived of money and of a job, the man was in despair as no one gave a hoot. That man never cried, no matter what happened he stood proud and tall, compared to him he where cried when he got a splinter. That boy worked, he never complained, by the time he was a man they compared him to a force of nature. He was respected for his dedication, his stature and the fact that his past and hurdles never stopped him. Where the man was showed how pathetic he was, this time it seemed that the boy that cried had learned. But you can never be too sure.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XJQ1C15

Trapped: Autumn Unofficial Release

Every journey begins somewhere...

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Trapped: Autumn, a book I didn’t think it would make the light of day. Something I didn’t think was possible, to write and publish a book all in under a month. The story is based on real life events and conversations, real people and situations. A simple tale that was turned into a mix of grounded reality and a mythological tale that was used to be told. A mixture in styles between the classical way of writing and telling a story, and post-modern ideas with modern language. The choice of taking the characters from a real place comes from the idea of transcribing reality onto paper and grounding the work. The same goes for the dialogue and situations, considering the fact that reality is strange and quirky why not use it? As for why I mixed the situations with mythology, I needed a reason to explain why John, the main character, was going through the motion of the story. Yet the more I wrote the story, the more I fell in love with this idea of why deities are taking shelter on Earth. Something I still want to explore. To the same point, I thought that today lacks this type of literature. As in gods or anything mythical for that reason. Something that influenced the writing style, opting for a more classic style in that regard. The sort of idea of a Shakespearean play set in today’s world, with today’s morals and standards. To bring comparison to what it can be interpreted as lack of progress over the many years that have passed. Which is why this book has references, ideas and what I like to call little gems hidden from the very first words of the preface until the last word of the book. Again, something with which the reader would have to be very careful, knowledgeable, patient when reading the book. In the end everything is connected and has a purpose and some sort of sense. That is why I entrusted the reader that once he steps into this world, he will be put to observe like an omniscient god the story that unfolds in front of his eyes, and at that understand the story itself.

What should one expect from this mix styles? Fairly easy, not a lot of description for the characters. Since I wanted the story and characters to be relatable and for the reader to place the action wherever he wants. It could be a space epic that has a college with a campus, for what the reader might imagine. No narration, since everything one will read in this book will be thoughts and dialogues. And since the reader is observing thoughts and dialogues they are unfiltered, raw, uncensored and pure. Most times messy, weird, riddled with mistakes and not always making any sense, if the reader doesn’t pay attention. You could say that this book even punishes the reader by not paying attention to what is said, thought or done. Since nothing is said, done or thought without a point or a payoff later on.

What’s the story about is the hardest question one can ask me without spoiling it. In short it’s the tagline of the book. About the man, the myth and the once upon a time. Like I mentioned before, this book is a mix of classic literature, mythology, postmodern ideology, immature philosophy and all for a weird fairy tale with mature language. But to go in a bit of detail about the book, the story takes place around a freshman in college. A student that asks too many questions, has too many opinions, thinks a bit too much and has a tendency to self-destruct for educational purposes. Something that does not sit well with his friends or his girlfriend, many times being categorized as a weird guy. Just like his tendency to arrive exactly on time or to be late, yet never early. As such he is put to observe his own behavior, being detached from his own body, what would his opinion of his own actions and thoughts be? If he was to see himself like a stranger and judge himself like he judges strangers. Not only that, but while doing so he is put to task by a force he can’t explain or see. Especially for him to understand what is happening is nearly impossible. Having such a crisis on his hands while trying to solve two mysteries, is not an easy task to fulfill.

About the author, well, I’m twenty six years of age. I love classical music, rock, any music that is either fun or has some actual meaning in its lyrics. A former student at the College of Literature in Cluj-Napoca, Romania with a Major in English and Minor in Japanese. Currently, besides writing short stories on this blog and writing books, I also work in retail at a liquor store with twelve hour shifts.

If there is something I believe in, it’s the fact that everything can be joked about. There is nothing in this world that can’t be joked about or made fun of. Since every experience is something to learn from, making a joke about it, can only help in the end. As long as you take the lesson with you further down the road. If I had any inspirations? Well, Shakespeare inspired me in only one aspect, when it comes to this book that people need to be reminded of what they are. Just like South Park reminds provides us with the best social commentary there is. Through crude language and exaggeration, South Park on the weekly awes me that is why I used this sort of vulgar language in this book. George Carlin would be another one, considering that even today many of his ideas still float inside my head. Like for example “Don’t bullshit, there’s enough bullshit as is in this world”, to this I hold near and dear.

When it comes to any other influences, there would be the music I was listening while writing the book. Such as classical music and rock, there are twenty three songs I listened to while writing the book. If you search on YouTube “Trapped: Autumn the music behind the book” you will find the complete set of songs. How music influenced my work? It helped me keep a certain tone to the book, listening to music helped me keep the world tighter and the ideas linear. Then there is the title, which itself is a reference to the last album of the band HIM, Trapped in Autumn. But more precisely it would be to the song Into the night, which is constantly paraded throughout the book.

If I were to describe my own style of writing, it would be personal. As in everything I write feels intimate, real, uncensored and unfiltered. With a mixture of everything that is, plus something new. Something that is has substance, emotion and thought put behind every word.

My last word would be the fact that I look forward for people to read Trapped: Autumn, to look forward to my future books. And I hope that I gave them something to think about, get attached to and want more of.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XJQ1C15

Tell Me

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Every step matters, even if you make a right, or wrong decision. The path that defines you remains, the promises will chase you like the past, the rumors, the way you've been. Trying to escape by closing yourself down to nothing, until the memory of you in the mind of the persons you know will become nothing. All but a myth, with a question mark on your existence in their memories.

The shadow you let on, the people you know will disappear, and the impact on them will fade away. Just as they will remember you vaguely. But as you close yourself down, hold on to the dreams you once had... Prepare your journey to a whole new level that you didn't had the courage to make your way towards. As you do you start to open up again, to regenerate, the person you are in a better version. Something new even for you. Starting to learn yourself again. The person you are, once is dead and long gone. It is time for you to discover what you can do, to reach further than you've ever imagined.

There is a fire inside this heart and a riot about to explode into flames. Trying to save the best from what I've been. I ask myself if I can kill to save a person, to save myself, to prove I'm right. Or let everything burn to ashes just because I'm something new? The drug of the past, dream I had to let it go, to save a life, a dream I had and let it all burn.

With every breath I took, and how many a night I'd lay wide awake, on the sound of the poison rain. The heart started to burn from the pain that poisoned my blood. In the touch of a delusion called a dream of sorrow. Escaping the past in the heartbeat of the damned. Sweet dream of the corner I need to be in to make sens of this world. Facing the mistakes, the past turning into something more... What I was before, am no more, stopped living a beautiful lie, a lie that torn down the man I wanted to be.

With nowhere to go, at nights fire waking up from a nightmare. Starting a war against the world that took me down. I promise that I made, the love I had I gave it up, just to make my own way from the past path and loves lost. Finding a new way of life, with a different look in the eyes, different in touch. Taking the mess to a new order of the life, of a new world that I started building.

Let the beautiful lie called past fade away into a corner of your mind.

Originally Published on 7.11.2012

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Simple Life

When rebuilding isn't working and the world scares you with every step. Life gives you a surprise and shows you again that at the end, there might be something in for you.

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At times the depth of the darkness that surrounds the world, through it a blink of a light passes you by. You have two choices, grabbing in it and holding onto it close, so that you may break through, or make your own way out of there .At this point, I chose to do nothing. In my own way, feeling like I don't deserve it yet, needing to grow up more. Be more mature, even my eyes tell me I can go on, I feel there is something missing that I did not learn yet.

Afraid, surprising and new, this three words are not in my dictionary anymore. As nothing can scare me anymore, I felt like I've seen everything. But that doesn't mean I know everything, as everything is possible. Any given thing imagined by mankind can be invented in just a blink of an eye. And from a simple person from the street of your city can become in just minutes billionaires, general mangers with or without universities. And all you need is a bit of wit with some life lessons or maturity. I know it because I was there, above every friend or person that thought they were better than me. But even if you succeed or not, the idea is you can become or be whoever you want.

I've seen maybe too many things, heard too much, been through too much. But that's called life and that's why we live to hear, see, feel and go through it all. You don't have to believe in God, Allah or someone else but yourself to get where you want to be. You have no idea what you are capable of creating. Every dream you have, write it down and make it happen.

Showing the world surrounding you what it means to be you and how you manage it,work it,make it happen. If the world isn't the best of you, set it on fire make it ashes and rebuild it. Make it something new, just for your dreams and fulfillment. As your step burns the cold of hearts of the world, your eyes calm the storm that hits everyone around you. Creating life with your words and building a world with a touch of your hand. Something that should heal everything you had in the past and clear the future.

Even if every plan or dream is crushed by the outside universe that is called the real cruel world. Do not stop dreaming, don't let them kill you inside, destroy you. Crush them with your will, power, words and let them see what you can do. By simply believing in one idea, the one thing you can't touch, attack or see. The one thing that can make people clear your path, the idea of a dream that you will succeed at.

One word at the right time can move the world, one action at the right time can make the whole universe clear your path.

Originally published on 7.11.2012

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Stories

Some stories are to be kept secret, some are to be forgotten, and some are to be kept and lived with forever.

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Walking in the shadows of a night through the cold rain. Seeing at every corner everything you desire, the memories begin to come back to life. As the wound you had opens up, it starts to hurt so badly. There is nothing you can do. Raising your head in the rain, you start to open up. You let everything out, every tear, every bit of pain left inside you. Time passes, you start to get forgotten by everyone you ever knew. The path clears up and you are given another chance to be free. Start everything from the ground up.

With no one left by your side. and no one to stay in your way. The journey to a new world began. A place that you never thought was there, brand new people, brand new things to explore. Watching and observing all by myself, this new world that has opened up. With fear and excitement in the eyes, making the first steps to something unknown.

Almost nothing left, no more love, no more passion, no more trust in the unknown. Growing and ageing through the shadows of everyone around me. Looking in the mirror, my eyes, all I see are the closed doors, every mistake, the pain, the loneliness, the the hell that I was given to go through. The depth of the black spreads as the blue disappears.

Every photograph you had, is like a knife in your back, a wound to be reopened. Lost in ideas and dreams of vain, the lost moments that made you grew up, made you wiser. Starting to realize that is better to feel something, rather than nothing. And if life gives you nothing, but the worst there could be for you, then I rather feel pain then nothing at all.

Men, women, human or not, the mirror in everyone's eyes betrays what you pretend to be. The dreams that were crushed by others and taken from you, makes you weaker. If you don't know how to use it for you benefit, that is. The nights depth gets stronger and stronger, with nothing on what once was a black pitch sky with stars and a bright moon. In the end, the worst comes out of everyone.

Your eyes tell the truth, your story is for you to know, as the lesson is to be learned.

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Originally published on 28.10.2012.

Hurricane

I'm calling a hurricane, being in the eye of the storm willing to feel the pain, trying to reach the other side dead or alive.

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With everything blown away, to the end of the present, trying to put the puzzle together. Lost in the whole image, just a mess trying to make sense. With the piece lost through space, time and logic. I'm getting more and more aggressive, hurt, willing to sacrifice everything for someone, or myself. I stand on the edge watching over my past, present and future. For one last time, determined to stop making sense of everything. Learning no more, just putting everything in practice. I've practiced enough, waited too long.

It will show, it will pay off or maybe it won't. But as the storm is revolving around me, I can feel the power within me to make it stop. The puzzle is nothing more than your fantasy of past and future, a wall that doesn't let you go beyond. Once everything you tried to make sense of is gone. Nothing more will hold me back. This promise that everything will change is burning. Keep your head down, reading a story with every step looking around you. Take the experience that is in you, start doing something. Doesn't matter what, take your time and you'll find yourself somewhere in the best dream you've ever had.

Everyone has a dream, while the hurricane takes everything from you, just like the past does not reclaim it because it is yours anyway. Past, present and future are just ideas just to make you aware of every mistake. There was and will be, experience that doesn't come with thinking it, but doing it. When nothing, you have nothing to rely on, you still have yourself to make it go. But a battle wakes up in you the choice of missing on feelings, relationships, pain or determination is powerful but with something missing.

Being on the edge makes you think when it is all this gonna stop or when you will finally break? With every minute of being alone, going through all the pain, the hell, this stress with everything. All that's trying to pull you to their sides as nothing remains for you. Falling apart, realizing you started a long time ago to die from the inside out, that look in your eyes that turns the bright blue into the darkest eyes people ever saw. With nothing to dream off, you were slowly dying through the years, the animal you became somewhere in there is a spark that needs to be brought back the life, but until then... The only thing that remains inside you is this black phoenix burning inside. It gives you wings to walk in this world with a look that spears the hearts of people, bringing nightmares to life, burning deep into the soul.

You never knew what you'd become, never knowing if there is a spark in you anymore, feeling useless. But more and more powerful as you die and everything fades into the darkness, feeding it making it stronger. Waiting for the right moment, for the end of the hurricane to burst out and make your way through this dark world to light it up...

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Originally Published: 19/10/2012

Midnight Rain

I stand alone in the midnight rain, smoking a cigarette, looking for hope, for a star, for anything to hold on.

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I find myself trapped. On the only road I ever know, lost through smoke, closed minds, ignorance and looking for something. Close to the edge, everywhere I walk. Everywhere I look memories haunt me. It's not that I can't remember everything, it's that I can't forget. There are secrets, everyone has them, times you just can't forget. And it's not about love or a person, it's about you and what changed you. What made you who you are now, your fears, your wrongs and rights. Searching and searching, trying everything to survive, you become a puppet of the ones that observe us, and control us with illusion of freedom between closed walls.

The rain keeps falling, cleaning the earth. Yet we still manage to do it wrong, to make mistakes that continue to chase us down through life. Alone we search for someone, we try by any means necessary to make a change. Find someone to hold onto, or put our faith in. But we disintegrate with every moment we keep doing everything we do. Nothing will pulls of from these depths, but helping ourselves and everything that is around us. Now while we still can, we should change, we should take charge, blame and responsibility. Because we keep ourselves in the same place, no future, no happiness. Only mistakes. But until that day...

The clock turns 1 minute after midnight, the rain stops. As I enter a new day. My cigarette burns out. The sky is still dark, becoming darker with every second that passes. With the blunt cold wind blowing, I see myself in the reflection of a window. I become confused as I forget who I really am, who I was, what I accomplished. As I smiled, seeing my reflection scared of the past, present and future. I do not know what I should do, but one thing is for sure... Breaking the habit may help, Even if it's in believing in the lie I've built. But I won't wait for something, because I was the one that was supposed to save myself. Yet I see myself falling deeper and deeper.

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Originally published on 17.10.2012

Portrait (IV)

The End

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Thus everything bleeds.

"When it all ends abruptly."

"Well..."

"What can you do? There's nothing you can really say..."

"Weird, I would say."

"Horror, the way I would describe it."

"Horror?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah... I think that would be it's appropriate designation. It fits really well too."

"But is it?"

"Oh... I mean, probably."

"Why am I discussing this? It makes no sense either way, it's something you have to live with. Something that now is a part of you."

"I don't know, honestly."

"It's not like there's anything wrong with this, you know? It's simply weird. And I... Well... You know?"

"Know what?"

"The limitations bother me, there's something absurd about all of this. Backwards and forwards. It like knowing..."

"Hmm..."

"I don't know..."

"But it would make sense, wouldn't it? Trying to define oneself on what they are, you know?"

"Who am I then? What defines me? It's senseless. It's frustrating."

"You can't define anything, can you? We can barely brush the essence of anything. It's not something we can comprehend. But control..."

"But that wouldn't be a problem. Definitions, essences, the problem is the thought. When you can't control it."

"It is a problem when we can't grasp something, it always was, it always will be. These are the things that make us feel at ease."

"I think..."

"You think?"

"It's really something else, a colorful spectrum of this world, so we don't have to fear it. Do we? We don't."

"I don't know me. No matter the line I'm on, I don't know. It's stressful. It's something..."

"Do you know you? I don't know you... I can't know you. No matter how I look at it, a picture may be a thousand words, but it isn't anything."

"Who knows... I mean who knows me? What is all this? The thoughts, the mess, the entropy, the optimistic pessimism of this. Poetic..."

"This is how it all started, right?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The End. Now read it from here on up.

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Colors (III)

It bleeds...

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Blue, brown and green. One hundred and eight shades of everything. Sky high, but down low. Heart beating and no flow. Basic and simplistic, absolutely fantastic.

Where do you get these ideas?

I wish I knew how it worked.

Where do you get these ideas?

I ask myself that every day.

The unholy cliche of the dreams I've been having, the pallets I've been using, the taint that this is.

But what's the point?

I keep asking this too.

I absolutely hate it. The narrative I've created, the problems that I have, the stupidity I dwell on. I can't stand it. I wish I knew how.

It's confusing...

I know it is.

It's profuse.

I know it isn't. All I'm trying to do is save my skin by pretending I have something to do.

That's sad.

I've been thinking that too. I've been thinking a lot... When the abundance is beautiful, but it's drowning in the shadow of others. I have to ask, who is this for? Red, blue and violet, who goes and riots? I see nothing but gray, letting life live just in my imagination.

It's sad.

And when you can't see yourself, no more. When you know that everything will be gone to dust, sooner or later. It gets sadder.

But then again...

Yes? I'm listening.

Do you know what makes sense? The fact that you can still do it, a brush, a sketch, combined with all that pain, it goes a long way.

A brush, a sketch, combined with all that pain, you die, there's nothing, there's nobody... The long way that it goes, doesn't make sense. When after you're gone, there's no one left to ask you a why or how.

But pink, yellow and a little bit mellow, is what it’s about.

In a way, maybe. But when you have a rainbow, why would you go for something that's far below? While you can create wonders with just white, black, yellow and brown, why just limit yourself to what you have?

You forget the pink, red, and all the shades to come.

Yes, but I am none of them. I am me, and I don't want to be less.

That's pretentious, arrogant and stupid.

Then so be it, when it's all said and done, we're going where there are no shades, no brushes or sketches to be drawn. If I could change it, I would, but it's not that simple.

"What was I doing? I spaced out there... What was I doing?"

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Brush (II)

I draw a line somewhere...

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It's weird... Like I did this.

Hmm...

I don't remember when.

Or why, right?

Right...

Like a dream...

No, a nightmare.

Yes, that's it, that's what it was. All this time it was just a nightmare, a thing that I couldn't escape. Yet I forgot about it.

But why?

But why?

I don't understand, I mean, look at me... Why is this, this? Why am I asking these questions?

We all have problems, like that chip on your shoulder. Chip, chip, chip, look at me, I'm a chip. And now what? We're all problems bundled as humanitarian cases... Wild, dumb and dumber...

Who did this offend? Whose problem is it anyway?

Mine?

No? Yes? Yours... Yes, yours... It should be...

Should it be? I have no idea... This is rubbish, when there's nothing to do, nothing to control, nothing to save anything.

Then why am I asking this? What's the point?

Point.

Yet I'm rambling.

What was my point?

A problem, there has to be a problem, an idea, a something.

Gripping. Tight. Suffocating. Thought provoking. Something different. Something magical.

So, can I get some help? I would really appreciate some help. I mean, you can hear it, can't you? That voice.

What does it say?

What does it say? Hmm...

I say...

I said... I mean... There is something wrong.

That's the problem... Isn't it? I get confused easily. If it's not right, it's wrong, it's not for me, it's not for you, and if it's for someone, then is it wrong? I don't get it anymore. Why do I care? Why does anyone care? How do we care? When it doesn't have anything to do with any of us... Yet it impacts us all... It's stupid.

Extremely...

Extreme! That's it... Like everyone's the worst, the best, the Hitler, the savior of the world. It's tiring...

I'm sleepy...

But the nightmares...

Yes, the nightmares...

Which is worse?

Worse?

Between the open eyes or the closed ones...

Worse... Are both, equally... 

Dread... That's the word I was looking for. Looming for...

Artistic, again...

Idiotic, maybe. There is no artistry involved in my...

My? Where was I going with this? I had something to say... Like it was wrong. Like it bothered me when I thought... Think, say, do?

Ha! Do... Wrong, again.

I know...

It's weird...

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