Some nights are just for dreaming, others are for being awake.
One night long ago I asked myself "So I am here, where to next?". I just stood there and dreamed as the cold of the weather embraced me, but the warmth of my dream made me feel everything, but the icy weather. As the music goes on with my thoughts and the mind starts elaborating scenarios of "what if I" have the courage to run away and change everything, what if I never have made that mistake. The only question I have in mind is "why?". The truth maybe is ,this isn't the time and maybe I'm not ready, so even the fact that I have a romantic view or a great moral, maybe I'm just kidding myself.
There is a moment when I'm blocked in my own mind, without solutions or questions. Staying quite awake on my bed, I try to put myself to sleep, dream of a better place, trying to get back on my own feet, refilling myself with another hope or dream, looking for places to go, where to be, with whom to be, after I wake up to start a new day as a stranger in a strange world.
I lost night after night, searching for answers in every day choices, I always found out that being the trapped man in the woods is hard, where there is no escape. Just glimpses of light, showing through the leafs. So I start running up, down, left and right and finding out that I'm in the same place, but somehow getting out, doesn't mean nothing. Because there is still a problem, this is the same forest with different trees. No way out, but to cut down the trees and start planting my own, with patience and time they will grow and give me a shelter, they will not start falling in order to damage you, but always there protect me. I think I see now, there is escaping from the forest, from the darkness I wondered in, as I start believing again looking at the sky as it it lightens up a path to a new home.
But cutting the forest down, was also a mistake for there's no more oxygen and every day becomes harder and harder to breathe. Because there's no more shelter, no more wind, no way to find a way through the place I want to raise and change. So I barely move, barely spake, trying to preserve the air I've got left. Watching from the highest place on this hill for someone to help me breathe new life into what's dear to me. And so with my last breath and one small tear I died in a peaceful place torn by mistakes and the power of a stubborn man.
Consider supporting on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/RaulFO