I can’t stand you anymore. This is said, she says as she goes back around to her place. You’ll regret it. Her look turns to disappointment once more as she gathers her things. Even if I am going to regret it, at least I dodged a bullet with you. She says softly under her breath. Yeah, sure you did. when all you’ll do is be alone and sad all the time. At least I have someone I care about. She let’s out a sarcastic little laugh. Is that what this here is? You caring for your fiancee? After all you said here… She goes silent, sits down and lights up another cigarette with her small black lighter. She spots the waiter and asks for the check. Maybe this all was a mistake, she says while dragging from her cigarette. Maybe, I reply. I don’t think it would have worked, even if we tried, she said with a sad look in her eyes. You were always just someone precious to me, but I… She stops once more. You can’t know any of that! Maybe you would’ve been happy for once in your life. Feel at home, at ease. But, maybe you would’ve fucked it all up, because it wouldn’t’ve been as toxic.
After hearing this, she gets up and leaves. Alone with my thoughts, with my new found regret, I try to erase everything I just said and done and move on. Yet the only thing I can think of is how much I’ll miss talking to her as another person leaves my life like it meant nothing to them. My phone buzzes with a message. You should have kissed me and you could have had me then and there. I could have made your dream come true. You coward, the message wrote. How did she know of… I scratch my head and ask for another beer, as I sit lonely at this table surrounded by strangers. Why does this happen? I ask myself every single day. Why can’t you just be a normal human being for once? I whisper under my breath as I look into nothing. Feeling like the world is crashing around me,
Why can’t you love like a normal person?
Why do you love?
Who do you love?
What is wrong with you?
What do you want from life? From them? From us?
Who are you doing this for?
What do you think is happening?
Don’t you think this will come back to bite you in the ass?
How?
What is your logic?
Who are you thinking about?
What are you thinking when you’re thinking?
Who is in there?
What are you doing exactly?
Are you trying to ruin your own life?
Is this how you want to enter your married life? With regrets?
What are you doing?
Do you hate your life that much?
Can you not?
Why can’t you just be happy?
Have you tried enjoying the life you have for once?
Can you please stop?
What or who are you afraid of?
Hello… I hear…
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